My weakness

My weakness is not something I generally talk about. Its not something I open up about with anyone. My husband doesn't even know that I struggle with this weakness near every day. Some days are easier than others, some days hurt. My weakness is something I lost, and then something I gave up. My weakness is something I can't have right now, but seems like everyone else is getting at this point in their lives. Its a pinge of jealousy, as well as a hole in my heart that I am just waiting to fill. I keep counting down the years. Years that are not fun to countdown.

I have tried to erase memories, and I have tried to unfollow reminders but I can't keep hiding from it. There really is no hiding from it. I have had my depression from it, and thanks to my husband I am completely out of that, but I can't tell you I am over it completely. I can't tell anyone I don't think about it often. I can tell you each day I am little bit stronger.

Tragedy happens to us all in different forms, right? Its not the tragedy that should define the person that you are, its how you handle your tragedy.

I am a happy person overall. I have a great life. I have a job that most 20 years don't just get. I have an amazing husband who decided to have a life with me. I am pretty healthy. I have been given the opportunity to go to school. My weakness doesn't define me. It will make me stronger.

ASVABS!

Finally!! My Husbands recruiter called yesterday and said he was all set to take his ASVABS Thursday afternoon. He was supposed to take the test last week, but his recruiter was unable to get him in. I don't know how it works, that just all I heard.

After his tests he will have to do MEPS, which my impression is just one big physical to see if he is qualified for the Navy, and the job he wants to do- He wants to be an MA (Master of Arms) for dog handling. My husband is what I like to call a dog whisperer. I'm serious. No matter where we are, no matter whose dog it is, if its a small dog, big dog, fat dog, purple dog my husband becomes best friends with that dog, and that dog loves him! Even if the dog is untrained my husband can get him to do anything! Its funny. I can't wait until we are able to get a pup of our own, I know he will absolutely love it. Anyway, MEPS for the Navy is now here in Vegas, so he doesn't have to go to San Diego. I'm kinda bummed about this, because I was going to use MEPs as an excuse to take a little trip to SD. Oh well. I'm hoping that because MEPs is here, he will be able to get it over with soon!

I am just really excited to get his boot camp date. I hate the thought of him leaving, but the sooner he does leave the sooner he is back to me and the sooner we get stationed somewhere and start this part of our lives. I am a little nervous about him going to boot camp. I have been sleeping next to him every night for so long I am scared of not having him by my side. We talk all the time so I am sad that we wont get to talk as much. 8 weeks is nothing right? Then I will fly out and go to his graduation. Then he'll have to leave again for A-school. I know we will get through this time, and I will be the wife that writes so many letters my hand is going to fall off. I hate the thought of being without him, but I knew this is what we were getting into when we decided that Navy would be his path. I will be his biggest supporter and help him with everything he needs.

I kind of need to know his boot camp date for two other reasons as well. 1. Our lease is up next month and we talked about getting a new apartment and signing a six month lease, but if he is leaving before six months than we will just do a month to month contract where we are now. I plan on moving back in with my mom while he is away for the extra support and to save money. 2. We have our big wedding planned in March. I need to know whether I can keep these plans or move it up or back. If he leaves in like 4 months than I have to wait until he gets back to have our wedding. If he doesn't leave for another 9 months then we can still keep everything we have planned!

I have kind of already built my own relationship with his recruiter as well. When I have questions I e-mail or call him, and am not afraid to ask ANYTHING. I am very stubborn and very curious about everything so I have a billion questions and in my head there is a right and a wrong answer. I want the right answer to everything and so far he has been pretty good at giving us the right answers. My husband's aunt and uncle are in the Navy and are really helping him get the best the Navy has to offer so its been a great.

I am nervous and anxious and excited for this new life coming for us. I will be strong and I will help him be strong through it all. I want the best for our life and I know he does too! We talk about the places we want to travel and live and it excites me to no end. I can't wait to do this with him!

Sunday Funday

My husband went on a ride Sunday morning with some of his friends so I decided that I was going to go out and look for something to hang on our dining room wall. Its this huge wall that was super bare. I had a small picture collage frame hanging in the middle of the wall, but it was by itself and looked stupid. First place I went... Ross!

Ross is always fun because I can go in and find six things that excite me so much and only spend $30! It's great. When I went in I saw a couple shirts that I liked. I found a cheap plain white cami that I needed and, a cute long sleeve baggy shirt. It's white with thin black stripes about 2 inches apart with a big black pocket on the front. It fit me really well and will look great for winter! It was only $8! Sooo happy for that find.

Then I started looking around at the home good stuff. Found candles I wanted, but decided to hold off. Then I found a cute knickknack to put on my kitchen table! I have a black and red Italian themed kitchen so I thought this was perfect. $4

For a while I have wanted a key hook, something modern by plain. Nothing to crazy. So looking around I found the perfect key hook! $5

 

I didn't find anything at Ross for my dining room wall. I had to go to walmart to pick up Chapstick, so when I was there I took a look around in their home goods section and found the perfect picture frame set! $20

I love it. I put our marriage keepsake certificate in the middle.

 

I'm obsessed with decorating my house!

I'm a married woman

I really can't believe that he is now my Husband. And yes, I use that word every chance I get.

Aside from the wind, Saturday was perfect. We got dressed up, me in my little black dress him in his red button up, and we headed down to the courthouse. My parents beat us there and waited with us while we filled out our marriage application and received our license, then we walked across the street where the Civil Marriage place was. We waiting in the lobby for the rest of his family to show up. Then we went up to the sixth floor, where I started to get a little nervous and excited and it felt so real. We waited in the ceremony room for a few minutes while the Justice of peace got the certificate ready and signed. My dad was our witness. It was really awesome for him to sign. I didn't even ask him to, I just looked at him when she called for a witness and he was by me in a matter or seconds.

Then she came into the room and asked us to stand in front with this white arch with green garland wrapped around it. She stood by the door and did her ceremony. We made the traditional vows and as he was vowing to me I was tearing up. I was about to cry. I'm not Sure how I got all the words out without sounding stupid and choky, but I did. We exchanged rings and a kiss and it was over. Five minutes tops I'd say. It was cute and awkward at the same time. 

Afterwards we all went to Cheesecake Factory and caught up. We talked for hours. I enjoyed looking around the table and seeing MY family. My husband and I joined these wonderful people together and I get to call them all mine. It's an awesome feeling. I am so so so happy we waited to do this. I cherished each moment that day. 

I'm so in love. I'm so happy. I'm so lucky.