motivation!?

Last year I spent so much time focused solely on my husband and our home, and whatever plans I had with him, our family and friends coming up. I had no focus on myself at all. None. I rarely went to the store to buy ME anything. And, unfortunately I completely lost focus on my body. I would notice I put on a couple pounds and in my mind I would say "I'll go to the gym later". Later never came last year. Like ever.

Sure I went to the gym a couple times with my husband, because I was at the stage in my  relationship where I didn't want to do anything without him. Or when I had days off and he was at work I would go to the gym for an hour, if even. I would go through stages where I told myself I loved my "curves", but get real Summer, curves and rolls are different.

I even wrote a post sometime at the end of last year when I got a wild hair up my a$% for about 20 seconds about wanting to lose weight. It didn't last, of course.

So here I am, week two of having unexplained motivation that I am just loving right now. I just have to focus on myself for a little while, too. I mean there are ladies out there with full time jobs, a husband, and two kids that look better than I ever have. If they can do it, I sure as hell can. Right?

Not let me tell you, I am scared to lose this motivation. I worked out on Monday, pretty hard then tanned, and my doctor told me I cannot do that again until after my egg retrieval. No strain to my lower belly. She said I can do light walking.  So last night my husband and  I walked 2.5 miles around the neighborhood. Is that light walking?

So here I am, with all of this motivation bottled up inside me to move around and make a difference to my body, and I can't for another week and a half. So I am hoping that this motivation that I struggle with so much, is NOT just because of the hormones I have been injecting to my butt every night. I hope they are true, and they stick around.

I wonder if this a journey I am about to take with myself, or just smoke I am blowing?